Twas the night of Valentines, and all through the house.
My phone wasn't ringing and I'm wanting to go out.
It can be a movie, a play or a place to eat.
I just don't wana stay in, watching numerous repeats.
My friends all have dates and I say I don't care.
But I'm hoping some lovin' will soon be here
I'm lonely, bored and just don't know what to do
I can't stay in all night, just me and my Playstation 2.
I go on GooglePlay and download an app
find a date for tonight as easy as that.
My phones now ringing, wonder who it could be
A lady who claims to be called Stephanie
A chick from the internet with no pic on her page
A sexy voice though, and seems within legal age
Says she knows what a man really really wants
she says she has a nice arse, and big at her fdont.
I guess I shant be leaving now at all
Time to prepare for a Valentines booty call.
A shower is taken, I Febreeze the home,
Hide any evidence I don't live alone
A car then pulls up and parks on my drive
My dog so scared he runs off to hide.
As it nears to my door, a purse in her hand
I pray it's Beyonce, but kinda looks like a man
She steps in with her top showing more than I need to see
She stank of cheesy Wotsists , I say oh why me
With cards and chocolates and bottles of wine
with messages saying oh please be mine
We sat on the couch but I wana be rude
by kicking her out to go chase some other dude
I edge away from her and turn on the tv
She whispers in my ear 'make love to me'
She piles on top of me, I think I've met my maker
If there's any Beyonce in this chick, this broad must have ate her
I throw her off as she reaches for my belt
Run around screaming won't somebody help.
With a crash my cousin slams open the door
He shouts 'get out you silly little whore' ,
I've finally managed to control the beast
we toss her outside and into the street
As her car drives off and out of my sight
I say to myself I should have had an early night
Cupid is the devil and definately no hunk
Well the night is still young , time to grt drunk.
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